The 6 football fans you are bound to meet. Part 1

The ‘quiet one’.

You wonder if this person gets excited about anything in their life. They’re sat there, watching the box without ever muttering a word. Regardless if his team are 3-0 down or 1-0 up, they maintain the same calm demeanour. Whilst all others around him are screaming at the poor offside call, or the 40 yard volley in to the top corner, they just respond with either a small nod or a slight shake of the head. Their team are 2-0 down, man sent off and had 2 goals disallowed, yet the only response you can elicit from them is, “well, could be worse?”   The game continues, bad calls all over the shop, a second red card, and a third goal, yet somehow they still haven’t moved from the groove they have indented into your sofa.  The full time whistle blows, and before you can even ask for an opinion, they have disappeared, off to the kitchen to make some toast. You’re left in awe at how anyone can be that calm over a football game, maybe they don’t even like football?

The “New football fan”

This is the guy who you’ve either forced into liking football or has only recently got into it. Now there’s nothing wrong with this type of fan, until they start talking about football. “I think Brendan Rodgers has been the most successful Liverpool manager in a long time”. You and the rest of your friends can’t even respond as you try and compute what has just been said. Without even a hint of doubt in his voice, he preaches another one of his well-rounded opinions. “Oliver Giroud is probably one of the best strikers to play at Arsenal”. You don’t know whether to laugh, cry  or explode with rage. Any attempt to educate him of the greats that came before Giroud seem futile, and any talks about any season before 2014/2015 just leave him confused. Yet at match day, he can be heard from down the street shouting Giroud at the top of his lungs. You wonder whether he is in love with the man, or just simply doesn’t know any other players. Anyhow, what can you expect from a man who only supports a team because they are alphabetically first in the table…

The ‘betting’ guy

He seems to have a bet on every game, no matter who’s playing. You’ll frequently see him walking back from the bookies on a Friday night, clutching his accumulator in his hand. As he reads off the long list, you hear teams you didn’t even think played football. He’s got a bet on Woking to win, because of course they have gone 3 games unbeaten, and he says it like it’s common knowledge. This is also the man who will unpick your betting slip on the off chance you actually wake up early enough on a Saturday to place a bet. “Oh no mate, you shouldn’t have bet on the early game, they always mess you up” he exclaims. His superstitions range from slightly believable to the downright absurd. “I never bet on a team that’s featured on football focus for playing well” he explains. You glance down at your betting slip, Scunthorpe to win. A safe bet bearing in mind they are on a 20 game unbeaten run, playing at home to second bottom in the league. That’s when he points towards the TV, as the words Football focus followed by Scunthorpe special flash up. Fast forward to 5 pm; Scunthorpe lose 4-0. He looks at you smiling, putting on his shoes to go to the bookies to collect his £123.50 return as Woking score a last minute winner. You’re not really sure what happened, but all you know is you’ve lost a fiver.

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